Saturday, November 26, 2011

Keeping tabs


I hate generalizations, but the following is after much observation and many conversations with others who've observed similarly.

A bunch of friends (females) go out for a dutch party, they eat, they drink, they have a great time; and when the bill comes they calculate neatly what whose share is according to what they had and split the bill. If they make a mistake in their calculations they call each other up the next day and sort it out.

A bunch of friends (males) go out for a dutch party, they eat, they drink, they have a great time; and when the bill comes they split it up approximately and fish out the money. Someone says he is a little short, another just pays up and so on and the bill is settled. The next day no one really remembers who paid what and don’t even care.

Now, what this makes me wonder here is – is it the same in relationships?

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

River


I don’t know how many of you have filled out those pretty lame autograph books in your last year in school or junior college. It was an exercise that I generally found tiresome and most often answered with wise-cracks that on reflection today don’t seem so wise. Little books filled with all kinds of stupid questions and somehow you had all 60 people having ones that looked different and hence the pressure to come up with something different to write in each one of them.  But one question that I still remember clearly was – which force of nature do you think you resemble the most? I answered instinctively ‘fire’ and even quoted Billy Joel. But once the spotlight was off of me, the swirling waters of introspection soon quenched those burning embers and I believe I settled on the river as being the force of nature I most resembled. I still believe that to be true, let me add. 

When I say that, I mean a river that is still charting its course, that still hasn’t met the sea and that flows on relentlessly taking along with itself all it encounters, gold or garbage, making no differentiation and along the way dumping that which wouldn’t willingly come along, again with no partiality to gold or garbage. A river that doesn’t plan before it flows but flows where it pleases or where the opportunity presents itself. A river that once it encounters an immovable force does not budge and puts all its weight against said force until it makes a way for itself; but then as opposing force after force weakens it, takes the smarter, if longer, way around them. Mind you it has not failed nor given up, for as it meanders around its obstacle, presenting an illusion of defeat, it continues to work against it until it finds a way through, leaving behind the legacy of a lake, often useful, sometimes beautiful too. This river isn’t averse to meeting new streams, joining with them and flowing along as one, or of others leaving to form new channels and paths to the one ultimate fate. A river that along its path nourishes all it touches, sometimes floods and often destroys in its fury too; that washes the dirt and the sins but may leave behind a stain too. Where this river may further head and how long and how powerful will it flow before it inevitably meets the sea is a secret time alone holds.

So what is it that reminded me of this river and of those silly little autograph books that, mind you, I still have in safe-keeping? Well, life is strange, and some comments that bear no reflection upon your life, made in earnest by another, break open the dams that have so long held back the flow….

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Pujo II


Dasera was a always a sad day for me!! I talk of a time when life was simple, there was no computer let alone internet, there was one TV channel and that too played 1-2 hrs of entertainment per day max. A time when a cold-drink needed a special occasion, a chocolate was a celebration and ice cream was more often made at home than bought. A time when every piece of clothing I owned I knew when, where and why it was bought. A time when sweaters were knitted at home and were actually needed during pujo. This is the time when pujo was 5 days of pure magic, a time when everything seemed golden; when discipline was not paramount, fun was; when I saw my parents for a while be what life otherwise didnt let them be - carefree.

For 4 days: afternoons meant drawing competitions, fun games, khichoori (khichdi) bhog, cold drinks and ice creams without reason, haathkhorcha (pocket-money) from ma, baba, kaka, kakima, jetha, mama etc etc, while evenings meant running around unsupervised, hide and seek, pakda-pakdi, adda-golpo, biryani, more ice creams, mishti, and late nights; movie screenings that started at 12, a time when projector reels on white curtains still drew in the crowds, plays and dance dramas where kakas and kakimas became superstars; a time when everyone gathered in expectation to listen live to a maestro because you weren't bombarded by his voice incessantly over a thousand media. A time of playing late into the night until tiredness brought sleep and not the toll of a watch or the deadline on the morrow; of riding back home, 4 ppl on a scooter, making groups of such scooters headed in the same direction so as to prevent ambush by chor-dakaat (dacoit). Yes, it was a magical time!

2 complete sets of new clothes everyday for 4 days, planned well in advance to the tiniest detail, some friends whom u met only on those 4 days but were never awkward with, the dadas and didis who always seemed to like me, the girls - some that i liked, others that liked me -,the guys that competed - and lost - the flirting and the fights, the snobbery and the confidence. It was a time when nothing mattered, nothing bothered you, when eating out was the norm and having fun the only rule.

And late on navami, when the feet refused to move anymore, and the voice was hoarse and gone, when the eyelids couldn't stop from meeting each other - u said goodbye for the first time in those 4 days (all other times it was just a temporary break) and went home to wake up on Dasera. It was always a sad day, a day when all my neighbours were celebrating and I had a heavy heart. Ma was going away but that wasn't
what really made me sad. It was the end of a golden time, a magic that no other time in life has given. Yet i knew it would be back next year and I couldn't help but look forward to it.

And as the years flowed, the projector disappeared, the scooter became a car, the games reduced, the adda - and the flirting - increased, but the magic remained until finally the flock flew away. Today I see a bunch of new kids with the glint of magic in their eyes, the nights though end at 11 and a lot of the fun is not exclusive to pujo as it once was for us.

And most of my dadas and didis and the girls and the competitors are gone, some south, others north, some across the oceans and maybe some across the skies too but I am sure wherever they are every sharadiyo sashti or ashtami they atleast once remember that ground in Pimpri (dunno what stands there today)!

And Dasera is still a sad day for me, even if all I did in those 4 days of pujo this time around was work, because Dasera still is the exclamation mark at the end of magic!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Bimaar Yaad


was reading raat pashmine ki by gulzarsaab...this one stood up and said hi!!


ek yaad badi bimaar thi kal,
kal saari raat uske maathe par,
barf se thande chand ki patti rakh rakh kar-
ek ek boond dilaasa de kar,
azhad koshish ki usko zinda rakhne ki!
pau fatne se pehle lekin ---
aakhri hichki lekar woh khamosh hui!!
                      - gulzar

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Lying on the Grass


When did I last see the moon held close by a barren tree?
When did I last hear the wind laugh, as it skimmed the waters free?
And when it stopped did i notice, the leaves all stand so still?
Not just foliage, each an individual, with its own will!
When last did I stop to watch the cloud smile like a child
And then as the minutes passed,change into an elephant wild?
And did I see those lights afar,shimmering on the lake;
dancing with the current, a hint of dawn so fake.
When did I last lie on the grass and gaze upon a star
and not a pallid glow of doom, that the city skies are?
Today I heard a song of youth, and a song from days gone by.
Saw the lights and lakes and leaves and wondered loudly - why?

Monday, September 26, 2011

Never meant to lead


i have always been walking
sometimes i ran
at times i sat down by the stream
to rest while i can

i met him there and her
and i met you
and i smiled and i laughed
and cried too

and then i got up and walked
where and whenceforth i cared not
just took the path that shone
with light or with darkness fraught

with hail and with rain
and when the sun shone again
i ran a little

and when the stars twinkled
i flew awhile
and then again some more

but not much did i look
who ran with me
though i saw u fly some
and remember your shadow from when the sun shone
and was it your hand i held when i slipped in the rain?

yes i think it was you
or was it him or was it her
or was it just me?
whatever it was i know one thing for sure

i never meant to lead
and i never asked you to follow
so there's no guilt if you stay
or blame when you go!



Friday, September 16, 2011

The muse

You are back o' muse of mine!
to hold my hand and bring sunshine,
to cry my tears and feel my smiles,
to hold my fears and walk our miles;
to sing to me a song when i am forlorn,
to caress my hair when the sun is long gone;
to play me a tune that comes from the heart,
to tell me a tale that goes back to the start,
to lark in the sun and skim stones in the park,
to look at the stars and lounge in the dark,
to light up my loneliness and make me feel warm,
to talk to my silence and stir up a storm.

Oh yes. you are back, o' muse of mine!
My words! -all in twine.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

WHEN


when did we stop walking together
when did we last wait for the other
when did we cover up the sunshine
when did the darkness seem so fine

when did the colours seem to brood
when did the words cease to soothe
when was it that i stopped  my listening
and when did the leaves stop their whistling

when did the joy leave the laughter
when did the taste last linger after
and when did the voice die in ur eyes
when did we start to hide in the lies

when did it come - the stealth of a thief
when was it ok to let you leave
and when did it seem improper to stay
when did the moon stop lighting the way

when did the wounds begin to bleed
when did our greed become the need
when did we grow used to the scars
when did the silence engulf the stars

when did my smile begin to think
when did the world begin to shrink
when did the chasm grow so wide
when did our feet fall out of stride

when did we last smile at a kite
when did the wind get bottled up tight
when did the water dry from the brooks
when did those petals wither in the books

when did it all turn into memory
when did we write the end of this story

Sunday, September 4, 2011

FERGUSSON TIMES


I woke up every morning
Looking eagerly at the day ahead.
A day at dear old Fergi
With great friends I had made.

                         I walk into room no. R-6
                        As usual 15 minutes late.
                        At least 10 faces would smile,
                        They are used to the wait.

The lecture reels off in fun
And the next few we'd bunk.
Spend the time in the KIMAYA
Cheering up any face that's sunk.

                        Sharing a Pepsi among 11
                        And fighting for the last sip.
                        Tying up some shoe-laces
                        Or climbing to the KIMAYA's tip.

The pracs were real fun;
Ice down the shirt in chemistry,
Four great doctors in biology,
But physics was always a mystery.

                        Those fun hours on the stairs
                        Outside the chemistry lab;
                        Or an alien from POSEIDON
                        Holding hands near the bio lab.

And then in the evening
Standing at the gate,
We'd chat, chat and chat
Till it was real late.

                   Dhotis and lungis and saris
                  Trad day was celebrated with pomp
                   Chocolate day was great
                   Dairy milks and Perks to chomp.

 And the espressos at Radhika
Or Vaishali's SPDP.
Wishing birthdays at 12 midnight
When everyone's so sleepy.

                        Hey, I almost forgot!
                        Playing truth or dare;
                        Proposing my love to someone
                        Whilst others would stare.

College days were great
And those moments real neat;
With friends so sweet
I had all I could need.
                                                                                                            
--- Arindam

Monday, August 29, 2011

Friends at first sight


It is strange how few the people are, whom you remember meeting for the first time. And I find that these are the same people I ended up being closest to, or is it the other way around? This is a list of some such people from a land of dreams where we grew out of our boyhoods and walked into a more independent life. To avoid bias they have been introduced in order of appearance!
Like all my journeys this one too was not planned, actually it was a journey I set off on unsure whether anything would ever come out of it. So off I was to the city of dreams, of stardom and magic and as I sat there awaiting my turn, I looked up at the giant screen displaying various names and numbers, but I didn’t need to look too long. I didn’t, because I had it all written, filed and indexed with me (doesn’t sound like me, but its true) and so all I needed to do was cross my fingers and wait it out. Well, and also wonder why this girl, pretty and decent, kept giving me sideways glances. So, I turned around and confronted this shy yet bold female about her intentions, only to realize that she was interested in getting my numbers. The ones I had neatly indexed she meant. You see a terrible miscalculation on her part had led her to leave those clumsy spectacles at home, which had basically rendered the giant screen as useful to her as Harrison’s Textbook of Medicine would be to my maid. One thing led to another and this girl impressed by the brilliance of my indexed lists, or otherwise, decided to pick a college in a land unknown to either of us and we spent the next hour praying that the last two seats remain, and eventually numbers 68 and 69 on that June afternoon turned into numbers 7 and 19 for the next 4 ½ years of laughter and tears, fights and camaraderie and of course, forgotten spectacles!

So off we went, father and son, for a land that had been but a dot on the map, and were welcomed by a beautiful sun, a misty charm and serene greenery (how first impressions deceive!). After an afternoon of officialdom I was shown to what I was to call home for the next few years. And I was informed that I was to share that palatial room with a boy who I can only describe, then, as thin, with the thickest set of curls for hair, a pencil thin moustache, glasses and the shyest smile I had seen a guy give until then. His father, a renowned surgeon was probably the most unassuming man I had ever seen; a simplicity that over the years has not only impressed but inspired. So there was me, this assumedly uber-cool, Fergusson educated, city slicker with an ego just as big as my body was thin, looking into the eyes of this boy who almost seemed embarrassed to be spoken to; and then and there I decide that although I sign-up now, the first thing I do when I return is to find myself another roomie. So, we say our goodbyes, and although my father tells me that these are nice people, I return home with the firm belief that I would stay the least time possible with this simpleton (how first impressions deceive!) What transpired later between the walls of rooms 18, 6, 85 and 90 are best left in the caring hands of that same time, as neither words nor emotions could ever do them justice.

When I do return to college (4 days late of course), my dear simpleton is not to be seen. So I go scouting for people, meet a senior, commit the cardinal sin of asking him his name and almost get killed (thank heavens! It was Manish, or I may actually have not been writing this.) the next guy I meet is this lanky fellow with an extraordinary nose, whistling a popular tune, cleaning out his cupboard with surgical skill and joy. He tells me he is a fellow first year who did not care enough to go to class (this quality later magnified and bit him where he didn’t need it to.) I breathe a sigh of relief and my education begins. For the first time I am enlightened how my 5 ½ years are arranged into 3+1 (doctors never figured math), hear of subjects whose names it took me a month to learn and feel that I have met one of the most intelligent humans I have come across(how first impressions deceive!) I wonder if his whistle still has that same carefree attitude and if his songs still haunt you on a cool winter’s evening, with a cup of tea or two and like-minded company.

One bright morning Mr. Simpleton and me set out for class with the simple result of being late, the door closing on our face and being left to wilt on the stairs at the entrance. The cruelty lay not in missing the class but in missing the hour too. In this all too uncomfortable setting, stride in a man and his daughter and I watch her walk and wonder if she was walking, gliding or dancing all at once. Seeing our gleaming aprons, a golden smile flashes, introductions follow and Mr. Simpleton and me wonder if we could dig up the earth and hide in it when asked – “what are you doing here?” What follow are enquiries and answers, worries and assurances and an ‘out’standing relationship and that all 3 youth will cherish until time runs out on them.

Another morning, again late I am, but there is a buzz around the campus. Re-enforcements for a depleted millennium batch had arrived and amongst them is this towering 6’4” hunk standing with the wiry comedian, who by then had become the third prong alongwith the duo then popular as Harry and Arry. Introductions made, everyone a little formal, me as usual skeptical – the beginning of an odd foursome standing between Dr. Chitale’s lair and first year’s anatomical nightmare. With the passing of the years inches have been lost, maybe 4 or maybe 2 but miles gained along a wonderful path of twists and turns and falls and burns.

Fast forward two years, there I am in the ladies’ mess, a towering edifice of smugness as my ‘out’standing friend was the boss of the junior tryouts. There is an overwhelming smell of authority and frivolity permeating the air, as the Michael Jacksons, Prabhudevas, Sridevis and also the Sunny Deols light up the dance floor until; until this white lily just brings it all to a halt. She stands and stands and some more, refusing to as much as bat an eyelid, let alone shake a leg. So the music changes (on HMS) and yet the feet wouldn’t groove. The short fuse and the shorter patience in me have exited stage left by now and a few harsh words later there is an ever so graceful movement of hand and foot that reveals  a glimpse of an underlying secret I would unravel later. I’ve had enough and she is relegated to the back of the group but relegation to the back of the mind refuses to happen. Later when a quizzical responsibility is brought forth, the white lily is suddenly all in bloom and the perennial college gardener is all too keen to intervene (still don’t know why!) What followed is a string of arguments neither won nor lost, stories neither written nor told, friendship neither reared nor torn, and a few years later – a love neither defined nor ….

I don't know if we still forget our spectacles on important days, or if we are as simple as then, or sing as carefree, still stand out  'tall' amongst the rest or are still stubborn and argumentative, but what i know is that love may not happen at first sight, friends do!!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Icons


Icons, idols, mastheads-The Symbols. The askew thinking of man. Turning saints into Satan, God into a murderer and religion into the deadliest weapon of all. Atom bomb! I’m petrified. I hear him preach religion, sword in hand, and atom bombs seem like childhood toys from a distant Diwali.
        Blind, deaf, dumb- apt words to describe the audience? Blind to such an extent that darkness is the brightest light. Daylight is just a figment of the imagination or maybe a reality too offbeat to consider. A darkness so loud that deafness couldn’t keep it out. Yet they are deaf! For the sweetness of silence eludes their ears; a polite, warm sweetness garish noises have masked. The din created by their voices further enhancing the belief of deafness. For, don’t they stop and ponder when they hear themselves?
        Eureka! I think I find my answers here. Its not the eye, ear or tongue but the mind- that unknown entity responsible. So do I quote a friend here? “Butter has replaced those gray cells; off-white with a tinge of yellow.” But did mama churn it out or was the contamination elsewhere? Pictures of master and slave run through me like a flickering movie reel. Click, click, whirr! An eerie silence, pierced by the projector, screaming to be freed.
         The human slave attempting to flee his master- the mind. But isn’t the mind meant to rule? Then the running? The constant leaps, in vain, to escape? Why?
          Rebellion- the most enduring of all human characters. Probably the most endearing too. Thank slavery! It’s kept the rebel alive and safe, surviving the ages. Or is slavery really the surrogate mother of all rebellion? Is rebellion but not the recoil of a tied down spring? Freedom would not be, but for the shackles. To rephrase the famous lines- Man was indeed born free but chained so he’d always be!
           But has the battle been lost? The rebel spark so dim that a burnout is its only fate? The stagnant mind- perfect medium for the growth of distorted ideologies. “The Buddha is smiling” as saffron, green and blue; three colours of a flag stand in awkward salute to the white in the middle. Can symbols of the ages withstand another onslaught? Or will they represent new-age vandalism henceforth?
            Communalism, terrorism, war- all terms sired by decay of thought. Who’s responsible? The men in office, the one’s with the so-called power? No! The power lies with us, the power of thought. An individual power which once unleashed is irrepressible. Is it asking too much to spare a moment and ponder, question and look for the answers? Is it asking too much to take a step forward in friendship and brotherhood? So what if he didn’t step up in reply? The distance still decreased by a step, didn’t it? And he’ll step up too; faith engenders faith; ditto hatred. The choice is ours!
              For long we’ve been divided by colours, by tongues, by geography, by history. We’ve been divided by the way we look up to the heavens and by the way we ask Him for His mercy. Stop and see! It isn’t about ‘how’, it is about ‘why’. That we all look up to Him is reason enough for unity. Let us leave the ‘hows’ and ‘whens’ to the individual and respect his freedom to choose. And as individuals ourselves let us not just blindly accept someone else’s preaching but exert our conscience and our will to choose life ourselves.